I started playing VRChat in 2021 after becoming bored with the other VR games I was playing at the time. VRChat seemed like a spiritual successor to Garry's Mod (GMod) to me, something I had been trying to find since GMod turned into a hub for the same couple gamemodes (Roleplay, Deathrun, TTT). I think fondly back to the time of GMod in the late 2000s, many other gamemodes were coming to life and the platform felt more dynamic and diverse in what you could do. There was a GMod Racer server I frequented a lot, it had horrible Pay2Win mechanics via donations but it was fun to grind and race. I tried finding it again in 2025 and discovered that it died except for one server which took it way too seriously, to the point of the owner using a sim-racing wheel to get insane times on the tracks. I knew at that point I was never finding the same experience again.
I'm getting off track. The point is, I loved and still love GMod for how diverse it was and for its vocal community. I was sorely missing that experience in the current modern gaming environment until I discovered VRChat. At least to me, it felt like it could help me discover the same feelings that GMod gave me. And so, I installed it. I spoke to my friend Josh about possibly getting into VRChat alongsidie me, the concept of the game interested him enough to try it out with me. We wouldd check out a few worlds and try going into public worlds, but with the dying microphone on my Rift S resulted in a short adventure. Josh never got back on after we played... and he moved to Vietnam and had to sell everything. Wasn't meant to be. I started my solo VRChat adventure via the 'Ancients of VRChat'. A SFW 18+ community centered around hosting events in the game. I signed up for a 'Newbie' night one week, an event which introduces people to VRChat and a few members of the Ancients community.
I didn't go.
The social anxiety had got the better of me. The fear of talking and people new people was enough to make me sweat, even if it was online, even if they couldn't actually SEE me. I pussied out, but the idea of VRChat was still stuck in my brain. The week after, I signed up to the same event and aggresively pushed myself to go. I was donning a blue, blocky robot avatar that I had found after hours of searching for cool robots to wear. While the anxiety was present throughout the start of the event, it had eventually died down half way through and I found myself making friends. I still talk to some of those friends, we still talk and catch up. Ever since then, I kept playing VRChat.
I'm a man with a stutter, an involuntary speech disorder which results in the repetition, blockage or lengthening of sounds and syllables. I've had this stutter for as long as I can remember, apparently my parents both had a stutter when they were young but they grew out of it, and since it can be passed down through genetics it's one way that I could have gotten it. I also hit my head on a roadside curb super hard when I was younger and knocked myself out, so maybe that was also the cause of it? Who knows, I've never really given it much thought. The stutter was a huge barrier to overcoming social anxiety, it was one of the reasons why I forced myself to talk to new people in VRChat, in the hopes of not letting the stutter dictate what I'm anxious about. I found my confidence rose when I pushed myself to talk to people. Even if it was in a VR space, it was having an effect in the real world. I was louder. I wasn't sweating at the prospect of talking to new people. I found a new feeling where I didn't feel like a social failure.
Even now, I still feel better than I did in 2021. Not just on the anxiety and confidence front, but also on the friend aspect. People were liking me, they were wanting to be around me and wanting to hang out. They thought I was funny, cool, generally nice to be around. It was a stark difference to what I had knew in the past, where I was an afterthought in most cases (except for the case of my best friend). Now people were wanting to be around me. It was a great feeling and I still carry it, to know that I have the value to be known. I still struggle with believing it in some instances, the negativity is burned into my essence, but I've got the evidence of people wanting to be around me.
Me and my best friend have known each other for over 7 years at this point. We met in a Discord server hosted by my IRL friend who's a Youtuber for Bioware games. I was fucking around, causing problems and annoying him in his server, I even got banned and came back on an alt account. On that same alt account, I saw my future best friend posting about music I liked. The Strokes and Arctic Monkeys mainly. I struck up a conversation and ever since then we've been insperable on a bond level. On a physical level, we've always been thousands of miles apart. We've visited each other a couple times, but there's still a distance. VRChat allowed us to actually see each other in some physical form, to hang out and look at each other. I think it helped deepen our bond, we're closer than ever, we call each other siblings.
From an outside perspective, I'd argue that VRChat relationships are odd. Two people with avatars that aren't themselves getting into a romantic situation, it feels very 'Black Mirror'-esque in a way. I thought it weird until I got into one, or rather two. I actually learned a lot about myself through VRChat relationships, both what I like in a partner and what I dislike in a partner. It was eye opening to know that I could be wanted in a romantic sense. I'm not really GOOD looking IRL, I'm more average... maybe on the lower side but that's the slipping self-confidence talking. To have people be interested in me, man. There was one girl who made me feel like I've never felt before, and it was all through VRChat. I had never felt so wanted, cared for and cherished, and it was in a fucking VR social game. It's nice to look back on, even if it still hurts somewhat that it didn't work out. Throughout these experiences I found that I actually have value to others, I can be someone that people want. What a weird but relieving feeling.
It's all been a net benefit. Everything I've experienced in VRChat has helped me become a better person, from the connections to the heartbreaks to the world-hopping to the talking. I think I'd still be scared of the world if it wasn't for VRChat, I'd be paranoid at any possible future social interaction. Nowadays, I'm more than happy to talk to people, I've even spoken on a stage a couple times. While the self-confidence and general mood is still being worked on, the person I am is better than the person I was in 2020. I have VRChat to thank for that, but I also have my best friend to thank as well. While I don't get on VRChat as much anymore, it still stays in my heart.
pics of world here
talking about world
pic of main avatar, talk about it
show past avatars, talk aobut them. fem avatars and robot
show beepbox avatar