I've been staying with my parents for the past couple of weeks due to losing someone in a way, and that loss triggered some things I didn't know I had and haven't processed. It was a necessary decision for me to be here, but it still feels like I've failed in a way. I couldn't handle it by myself and thus had to retreat back to the place I left. I remember never wanting to leave this house, feeling like I made a big mistake when I moved for work, but with my return I realize how much I don't want to be here. I want to be independent and I want to deal with things by myself, I feel accomplished and worthwhile if I can do that. But instead, I failed to sort this loss out by myself, so I've had to return. It was for the best, but it still sucks.
I've been trying to keep myself occupied and distracted, the less I think about the loss the better. I've been doing a lot of stuff with family, getting out of the house and walking as much as I can. I wasn't properly talking with friends much except for my close friend Gojo and my best friend, but I've been trying to change that. I've reconnected with my friend Yuzu in doing so, we'd hang out in VR every now-and-again, going to clubs and dancing and vibing, but we kinda just... drifted apart after her priorities changed. But now we've reconnected and, as of right now, we talk every day about random shit. It's been nice. It's almost like I forgot how nice it is to see old faces. While I've lost someone in a way, I've gained someone in a different way.